You will always be remembered

It was around 12 AM on 3rd April,2009 when dad came to my room. He switched on the lights. He was staring blankly at me. I had never seen such expressions on his face before as most of the times he is expressionless. When I inquired with him, he told me in blank doctor's tone that "Omi Chacha had a heart attack". I didn’t feel anything at that moment. I was a little surprised that Omi Chacha could have a thing like that. But I was calm and composed. I thought off course he will be fine soon.

Why? Because that's how it is supposed to be. People like him are always there. He will always be there. I mean it is obvious that he will be walking again the very next morning. No one ever has ever known him as a weak man. His presence in our family is always an OBVIOUS FACT. Not because he is very rich or talkative. But because his presence gives you a hope in life.He is a great guide, brother, son, dad, husband, best friend to everyone around him.

In all his relationships he is a GIVER. He has never taken anything from anyone. And he is around to help or guide everyone in the family 24/7 So, I was sure he will be just fine.

Half an hour later my dad told me" Beta he is on ventilator, chances are that he won’t survive it”. 

This very sentence shook me from inside. I don’t have the exact words to express my feelings. But I was still sure he will survive because of the very fact that Omi Chacha is the inevitable fact of life and off course he will always be present in this world. Papa and Chachas are the elders and are always supposed to be around to take care of us..

Until that day I always thought that this death thing happens only to others. It can’t happen to my family.
It was raining heavily outside that night when Dad left for Delhi. At around 3 AM I got a call from my cousin . She said,” Beta Omi Chacha is no more” , and I asked “Is he doing fine?” She again said that he was no more. I could not grasp the meaning of those words. Then I heard a loud scream. No one spoke any further.

Shruti called me after that and just said in a blank voice “Geetu, papa(dad) is no more, come soon to Delhi”. I believe it was the first time in our lives that we cousins didn’t know what to say to each other. I said ok and she hung up.

It was the first funeral I attended in my life. Well most of us don’t feel anything on funeral ground. We feel as if we are watching a movie and the bad part will be over soon. The body lying there holds no meaning to you because it is immobile.

The experience changes one forever... This is the time when one starts realizing that people around him are lost in futile materialistic endeavours when death is the only certainty in life. You don’t hate them for that. But you do become asocial. Because no one understands the excruciating pain caused by death until it happens to the people who are close to you. After disastrous final exams I restarted my life in August by studying 5-6 hours a day for the first time in 17years of my student life. Books became my best friends and all the other useless friends were lost I think I tried to escape from the situation by delving deep into books. I became oblivious to the people around me. Though I was always in the crowd, I was always alone. I just couldn’t relate to anyone or anything..

Bade Tayaji was unquestionably the one who lost courage all together. His stone cold eyes scared me that day and I knew intuitively that he won’t survive for too long..Within 3 months he went into coma...

On 19^th December while I was reading a novel in the library, I found a few lines in which the author was trying to explain how inexplicable death was. The moment I messaged those lines to Shruti, I got a message from her that bade Tayaji was no more..

Loosing 2 people within a span of 8months is a turning point for anyone. It shatters one completely. Daily you wake up watching the funeral scene again and again . You let it torture you for a while. But then a day comes when you confront it boldly. And then come the acceptance of the inevitability of death.

Death of a loved one is a wakeup call . It is at this very moment that one stops for sometime from running wildly in this maddening world which is rightly called the world of illusion in Gita. It is in this very moment that one gets to analyse deeply the spiritual meaning of man’s existence. It is this moment that one starts rearranging one’s own beliefs and starts asking questions . Is this maddening race worth the effort? Are we running for satisfying temporary pleasures by sacrificing the higher/divine purpose of human existence? Are we all greedily hoarding money and property for a future which may or mayn’t come? Are we neglecting to live fully in the “beautiful present moment”( which Zen masters so beautifully emphasize) for the sake of an imaginary perfect tomorrow???????

Death initially does startle us, but if we are willing to learn from it, it can bring lifelong serenity to our life. You don’t have to look outward for the answers. It is deep inside that all the eternal answers are hidden. The most beautiful realization of life is that one day we all will perish. In a fraction of a second , the very thread of life will be broken. When that moment will come for someone, nobody knows. But we do know how to make life worth living till that moment comes to us. 
We can always find people around us who lead life in an exemplary way. These are the ones who live fearlessly , showering love and compassion on everyone they meet. They don’t go by established conventions and beliefs. They break out of narrow orthodox ways of living, for spiritual growth is the essence of their living. And when such people die we shouldn’t mourn their death. We should learn the essential lessons they taught us. It is in their exemplary way of living that we can learn the essential lessons. We should be thankful that such people showered their blessings upon us and showed us the right path to lead life. It would be my personal endeavour to search for my loved ones not in my tears but in my laughter.. And I am sure whenever I will do that they will laugh along with me too...

I would like to close the post by quoting few lines from my favourite poet Khalil Gibran –

“There are those who give little of the much which they have--and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.
And there are those who have little and give it all.
These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.
There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.
And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.
And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;
They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.
Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.”

Some memorable poems

ON CHILDREN BY KHALIL GIBRAN

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

RELIGION BY KHALIL GIBRAN Have I spoken this day of aught else? Is not religion all deeds and all reflection, And that which is neither deed nor reflection, but a wonder and a surprise ever springing in the soul, even while the hands hew the stone or tend the loom? Who can separate his faith from his actions, or his belief from his occupations? Who can spread his hours before him, saying, "This for God and this for myself; This for my soul, and this other for my body?" All your hours are wings that beat through space from self to self. He who wears his morality but as his best garment were better naked. The wind and the sun will tear no holes in his skin. And he who defines his conduct by ethics imprisons his song-bird in a cage. The freest song comes not through bars and wires. And he to whom worshipping is a window, to open but also to shut, has not yet visited the house of his soul whose windows are from dawn to dawn. Your daily life is your temple and your religion. Whenever you enter into it take with you your all. Take the plough and the forge and the mallet and the lute, The things you have fashioned in necessity or for delight. For in revery you cannot rise above your achievements nor fall lower than your failures. And take with you all men: For in adoration you cannot fly higher than their hopes nor humble yourself lower than their despair. And if you would know God be not therefore a solver of riddles. Rather look about you and you shall see Him playing with your children. And look into space; you shall see Him walking in the cloud, outstretching His arms in the lightning and descending in rain. You shall see Him smiling in flowers, then rising and waving His hands in trees. IF BY RUDYARD KIPLING IF you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, ' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

BABA BULLEH SHAH

 Baba Bulleh Shah’s popularity can be traced back to 18^th century. He is seen as one of the greatest Sufi Saints in Punjab. His popularity is now on a rise especially; among youngsters both in India and Pakistan. He gained popularity among all communities due to his secular approach towards life. His unconditional love and firm devotion to God and his Master inspires us even today......

I have always been inspired by the secular saints. Likes of Baba Bulleh Shah, Saint Kabir, Guru Nanak Devji, Gandhiji have always been my favorite people throughout the history. Whenever one reads Indian history, one can see that it is full of such glorious people, who can be rightly called as ‘Allah Ke Bande’. These are surely ‘the blessed ones’. They stood firmly by their beliefs. They stood firm even when people around them especially orthodox and fanatic ones opposed and even insulted them. Most of them faced resistance throughout their lives but accepted it gracefully. It seems they never got shaken by anyone’s opinion as they completely trusted themselves and had absoulute faith in humanity. They never gave up on people who couldn’t understand their beliefs. These are the people who stayed by ‘TRUTH’ when people around them got away with cheating and lying. 

The most common strains in their teachings have been Love, Truth and Tolerance, which are the three most difficult yet easiest things in life to practice. If practiced sincerely these three alone can bring all the happiness of the world at our feet. They do create short term obstacles but bring long term Joy and Contentment.

It brings satisfaction to me when I see many youngsters being inspired by such great people and trying to understand as well as follow their teachings. It doesn’t require a great effort to understand these people as all of them were straightforward, truthful and simple in their conduct and teachings. It just requires an open mind on the part of the reader to decipher obvious as well as underlying meanings in their teachings.

Baba Bulleh Shah is the one who lived his life in an exemplary way. He was criticized severely by his contemporaries but he stood up for himself and his convictions. He didn’t bow down under the pressure. Rather he lived boldly, and maintained his love for God and his Master. This is the attitude each one of us aspire to achieve but most of us give up too soon. 

In a diverse country like India only a secular way of life can lead to an inclusive growth and foster universal brotherhood among all, hence providing equal opportunities for growth to all. Whatever fanatics may say or propagate, it is for us to realize that at the end of the day, it is the common man who becomes a victim of the irrational hatred and cynical violence. I hope youngsters of the country will keep getting inspired by secular ways of life and lead this world to a safer, happier and confident future…

 Lately, many songs have been composed on poems written by Baba Bulleh Shah. For example 'Bullah Ki Jana Main Kaun' by 'Rabbi Shergill' and 'Bandeya Ho' from a Pakistani movie 'Khuda ke Liye'. It is interesting to see that in a world where on one hand religious fanaticism is on a rise, many youngsters are adopting a secular approach towards life by reading Sufism.

Here I have translated the song Bandeya Ho which is a great success these days.May God bless everyone....

BANDEYA HO FROM KHUDA KE LIYE –

(A translation from the Book Bulleh Shah from Radha Soami Satsang Beas)

Bullay Nu Samjhawan Ayaa

(To admonish Bullah,)

Bheynaan Tay Bharjaiyaan

(came his sisters and sisters-in-law)
Man Lay Bulleya Sada Kena

(Abide by our advice,)

Chad Day Palla Raaiyan

( And leave the hem of the Arain’s skirt)

Aal Nabi Ullad nabi
Nu Tu Kyun Lee-kaan Laiyaan

(Why have you brought disgrace to the Prophet and to the progeny of Ali?)
Jehra Saanoun Syed Saday
Doz-khu Milay Sazaiyaan

(Let anyone who calls me a Sayyiad,

be punished with tortures of hell)

Bandeya hoo Bandeya
Raayin, Saayin, Sabhin Thaayin

(Arain ,the Lord pervades everyone
Rab Deyaan Bay Parwaaiyaan

(And He is all powerful l)

Sohniyaan Paray Hatayaan Tay

(He casts away the fair ones,)
Khojeyaan Lay Gall Laiyaan

(And clasps to His heart the meritless ones)
Jay To Lorain Baagh Baharaan

(If you seek the pleasures of the spring!)
Chaakar Ho Ja Raiyaan

(Become ye a slave of the Arain)
Bulley Shah Dee Zaat Kee Puchni

(Wherefore do you ask the caste of Bullaah?)
Shakar Ho Razayaan

(Be contended in His will)

Who Am I ?

As holidays are going on, I get enough time to catch up with myself. Today I got inspiration to think about my life at length and surprisingly I discovered many interesting things about myself and life. So the important question I asked myself today was Who Am I ? I thought for some time. I got two possibilities.

1. Am I a person I always wanted to be ,holding onto my values, holding onto my own convictions and beliefs?

2. Or have I become what someone else forced me to become.

So I asked myself what are my values, convictions, inspiration, passions, beliefs?And if bychance they did exist where have they gone??? Well it seems I buried them as I tried hard to become a person someone else wanted me to be.First thing I realized was I am trying hard to become someone who is someone else’s idea of how Meru should be.Speaking clearly I took a U-Turn just so as to be more acceptable to people around me,. People who failed tremendously to acknowledge my uniqueness , my values and my beliefs. So what did I get after all these years? Loosing my self esteem, loosing my confidence, loosing my originality , faking myself to be a sexy girl when I am inherently a tomboy. Only because someone thinks he loves girls in heels I have to wear them when half of the girls of my height carry themselves well by wearing flats, slippers and floaters. And they look so damn cool, only because they are being themselves And I must admit I tried hard to build up myself what others (I shall rather call them outsiders) expected of me. But all gone in vain as surprisingly they still complain about me , backbite me ;taunt at my clothes, my looks ,my hairstyle or why I wear glasses ,why I don’t have a boyfriend etc etc etc .I am so uncool from there prospective. ACCEPTED with full humility.

But as the saying says it all-”Better be a first rate version of yourself ,instead of a second rate version of somebody else “.So I try to disagree here with everyone making interfering in my affairs and judging me.

So going back to question I asked myself today .Who am I? Lately I have been doing my meditations regularly and reading inspirational books. It has given me a chance to have a deep insight into my own feelings and emotions. It is an amazing experience. Words cant possibly express the magic of delving deep into our own precious, special and beloved self. For many of us we get messed up and ruin our lives only because we fail to make that connection with our own self .


We do try very hard to make connections with our peers, family, lover but sadly forget making that connection with our own self. We think by pleasing people around us we can achieve love, bliss or possibly happiness. We die to belong to someone. Be it a friend , a group, a social class, relative. But what we fail to realize is that when we are so caught up in making those connections with outsiders( as I will call them from spiritual prospective ) ,we totally loose that connection with the most special person in our life who is we our own selves. How many people will blatantly disagree with me, that at the end of the day, what we want is self assurance ???? But again unfortunately that self assurance is converted into an assurance from someone outside who will tell us “Dude you looking nice today in that T-Shirt(which should be branded for sure)” or “You have got a sexy girlfriend” .What we forget is, in the above case it was a designer who made a nice T-shirt. It is not because of you that your girlfriend is sexy. She is sexy just because ‘SHE IS’. We fall prey to such compliments and think it is our achievement that we have got all these things. Also sadly in life these compliments are found in rarity and comments or unwanted suggestions are found in abundance. And we fall prey to both unknowingly.

What we don’t realize is that these are just things or stuff.

When we shall die ( Death is an inevitable reality dude) what do you think you will carry with your self to heaven or hell (depending on good deeds as is widely believed in all religions). - A hot girlfriend? Or a vast estate? Or MBA degree from IIM’s. How about a BMW……….Oops!!! System Error. Yamraj doesn’t provide for all the extra luggage!

You are only allowed to carry your own beloved, precious, gifted, unique soul. So now ask yourself what does that soul carries? (I know its looks like a boring, intellectual,’ who cares for this’ question) . But for a moment just give yourself a chance here and think about it .What will thy soul carry with itself? Money ,T-shirt, hot girlfriend?

NO. Not even a loved one even if you try badly for it ( As kingdom of God doesn’t provide for these services. No offence to all the atheists. Well can call it divinity, nature, supreme self for your convenience). But that eternal soul doesn’t carry any materialistic thing. What it does carry with itself are some impressions which are result of our good and bad deeds or we may call it our consciousness or our blessed conscience.

If this wasn’t true. then why we are born with some innate qualities like truthfulness , affection, warmth, honesty and most importantly our conscience. That is the reason why on one hand some children who grow up in an abusive environment still grow up to become loving and affectionate people, but some others bred in a comparatively comfortable, secure and happy childhood end up becoming selfish and corrupt people. Outside circumstance does affect us like our parents, friends, schooling but believe me or not it is that conscience and holding onto our own innate values, beliefs , convictions which we accumulated over many births that make us who we REALLY are from deep inside ( It is really deep!!!)

It is for us to first identify, then acknowledge and finally honour those beliefs, to abide by them and bend our life into a direction which only serves them.

And realizing all this takes time and patience. I am not here asking someone to live on Himalyas like a rishi and meditate. It can be done by sitting alone for 30minutes Unfortunately people have this misconception that meditation is something boring or related to God and prayers. Believe me it is NOT.. It is about identifying , meeting ,seeing, hearing, touching, knowing and finally falling in love with our own self. It really is this simple. Even a dumb ass will understand this.

Trust me you are your best friend and best adviser. Its all within you. All the amazing power. And anyways what happens when we take someone else’s advice. For a moment it seems perfect, but then you start doubting the same advice, sometimes even doubting intentions of the adviser, hence ending up mistrusting that person and even more your own self. Well I am not suggesting here to become a loner and live in some Himalyan Hermit ……………….But to love yourself and most importantly know yourself first . Not that fake love hidden in pride and arrogance(very common). But a true ,pure, eternal love. Love which can’t be shaken by any outsider .Love whose foundation is strong and permanent. And when you will reach this stage (I hope everyone does) , you will automatically be affectionate ,lovable, comforting, tolerant and helpful to that outsider. You will understand your own life and its complications and will definitely be better equipped to bring a smile on the face of every person you meet. All you need is a deep contemplation and if possible some meditation.

All this comes straight from my heart. And I guess I wrote this primarily for myself .I don’t know about anyone ,but whenever I will be in distress , this blog will let me connect with myself.

As now I realize this is Who I Am. And I will strive to stick to my own self , my beliefs, values and conscience till the end……………………

So that I can die a self assured death

God bless all