It was around 12 AM on 3rd April,2009 when dad came to my room. He switched on the lights. He was staring blankly at me. I had never seen such expressions on his face before as most of the times he is expressionless. When I inquired with him, he told me in blank doctor's tone that "Omi Chacha had a heart attack". I didn’t feel anything at that moment. I was a little surprised that Omi Chacha could have a thing like that. But I was calm and composed. I thought off course he will be fine soon.
Why? Because that's how it is supposed to be. People like him are always there. He will always be there. I mean it is obvious that he will be walking again the very next morning. No one ever has ever known him as a weak man. His presence in our family is always an OBVIOUS FACT. Not because he is very rich or talkative. But because his presence gives you a hope in life.He is a great guide, brother, son, dad, husband, best friend to everyone around him.
In all his relationships he is a GIVER. He has never taken anything from anyone. And he is around to help or guide everyone in the family 24/7 So, I was sure he will be just fine.
Half an hour later my dad told me" Beta he is on ventilator, chances are that he won’t survive it”.
This very sentence shook me from inside. I don’t have the exact words to express my feelings. But I was still sure he will survive because of the very fact that Omi Chacha is the inevitable fact of life and off course he will always be present in this world. Papa and Chachas are the elders and are always supposed to be around to take care of us..
Until that day I always thought that this death thing happens only to others. It can’t happen to my family.
It was raining heavily outside that night when Dad left for Delhi. At around 3 AM I got a call from my cousin . She said,” Beta Omi Chacha is no more” , and I asked “Is he doing fine?” She again said that he was no more. I could not grasp the meaning of those words. Then I heard a loud scream. No one spoke any further.
It was raining heavily outside that night when Dad left for Delhi. At around 3 AM I got a call from my cousin . She said,” Beta Omi Chacha is no more” , and I asked “Is he doing fine?” She again said that he was no more. I could not grasp the meaning of those words. Then I heard a loud scream. No one spoke any further.
Shruti called me after that and just said in a blank voice “Geetu, papa(dad) is no more, come soon to Delhi”. I believe it was the first time in our lives that we cousins didn’t know what to say to each other. I said ok and she hung up.
It was the first funeral I attended in my life. Well most of us don’t feel anything on funeral ground. We feel as if we are watching a movie and the bad part will be over soon. The body lying there holds no meaning to you because it is immobile.
The experience changes one forever... This is the time when one starts realizing that people around him are lost in futile materialistic endeavours when death is the only certainty in life. You don’t hate them for that. But you do become asocial. Because no one understands the excruciating pain caused by death until it happens to the people who are close to you. After disastrous final exams I restarted my life in August by studying 5-6 hours a day for the first time in 17years of my student life. Books became my best friends and all the other useless friends were lost I think I tried to escape from the situation by delving deep into books. I became oblivious to the people around me. Though I was always in the crowd, I was always alone. I just couldn’t relate to anyone or anything..
Bade Tayaji was unquestionably the one who lost courage all together. His stone cold eyes scared me that day and I knew intuitively that he won’t survive for too long..Within 3 months he went into coma...
On 19th December while I was reading a novel in the library, I found a few lines in which the author was trying to explain how inexplicable death was. The moment I messaged those lines to Shruti, I got a message from her that bade Tayaji was no more..
Loosing 2 people within a span of 8months is a turning point for anyone. It shatters one completely. Daily you wake up watching the funeral scene again and again . You let it torture you for a while. But then a day comes when you confront it boldly. And then come the acceptance of the inevitability of death.
Death of a loved one is a wakeup call . It is at this very moment that one stops for sometime from running wildly in this maddening world which is rightly called the world of illusion in Gita. It is in this very moment that one gets to analyse deeply the spiritual meaning of man’s existence. It is this moment that one starts rearranging one’s own beliefs and starts asking questions . Is this maddening race worth the effort? Are we running for satisfying temporary pleasures by sacrificing the higher/divine purpose of human existence? Are we all greedily hoarding money and property for a future which may or mayn’t come? Are we neglecting to live fully in the “beautiful present moment”( which Zen masters so beautifully emphasize) for the sake of an imaginary perfect tomorrow???????
Death initially does startle us, but if we are willing to learn from it, it can bring lifelong serenity to our life. You don’t have to look outward for the answers. It is deep inside that all the eternal answers are hidden. The most beautiful realization of life is that one day we all will perish. In a fraction of a second , the very thread of life will be broken. When that moment will come for someone, nobody knows. But we do know how to make life worth living till that moment comes to us.
We can always find people around us who lead life in an exemplary way. These are the ones who live fearlessly , showering love and compassion on everyone they meet. They don’t go by established conventions and beliefs. They break out of narrow orthodox ways of living, for spiritual growth is the essence of their living. And when such people die we shouldn’t mourn their death. We should learn the essential lessons they taught us. It is in their exemplary way of living that we can learn the essential lessons. We should be thankful that such people showered their blessings upon us and showed us the right path to lead life. It would be my personal endeavour to search for my loved ones not in my tears but in my laughter.. And I am sure whenever I will do that they will laugh along with me too...
We can always find people around us who lead life in an exemplary way. These are the ones who live fearlessly , showering love and compassion on everyone they meet. They don’t go by established conventions and beliefs. They break out of narrow orthodox ways of living, for spiritual growth is the essence of their living. And when such people die we shouldn’t mourn their death. We should learn the essential lessons they taught us. It is in their exemplary way of living that we can learn the essential lessons. We should be thankful that such people showered their blessings upon us and showed us the right path to lead life. It would be my personal endeavour to search for my loved ones not in my tears but in my laughter.. And I am sure whenever I will do that they will laugh along with me too...
I would like to close the post by quoting few lines from my favourite poet Khalil Gibran –
“There are those who give little of the much which they have--and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.
And there are those who have little and give it all.
These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.
There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.
And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.
And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;
They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.
Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.”
And there are those who have little and give it all.
These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.
There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.
And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.
And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;
They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.
Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.”
